There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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