I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
