I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
