I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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