we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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