Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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