Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I will be naked everywhere
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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