Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Shame - the story of my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
