i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
