The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
