im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
