There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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