btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
