Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
