Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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