Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
