It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
