So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
