it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
