Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
