Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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