Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
