he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
