his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
