Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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