so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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