someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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