i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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