i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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