I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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