Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
