party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
