if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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