I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
