the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
