So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize