so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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