I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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