I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
