I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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