Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
