and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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