The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
