It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
