if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
