i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
