sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
