now i know why i became what i already was.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
