In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
