No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
