I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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