He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The Olympian is in my bed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize