I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize