"it" just moved
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
