my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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