ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
