saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
