she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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