Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
