I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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