I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
