I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
