She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
