it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
