The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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