I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
