It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
