thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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