So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
